Two nights before my double mastectomy, 1 month and 1 week after I had found out I had Breast Cancer…I got frantic about documenting a song in a video…”the way I was”…so I could remember it….always. I had been so afraid of that…never being the same, on the inside and out. I never did really record a whole song. My heart wasn’t in that space that night. But I recently found these snips of the beginning of recordings that never went farther than that. I get emotional looking at them because i can still feel those moments in my heart…I felt so scared.
NOW 6 months after this moment I AM different on the inside and the outside…however…it’s ok. I lost a part of me to live. And now I have been blessed to be alive and have gained 2 new great breasts with my own original nipples and small scars on one side of them that hardly show. On the inside, my soul is going through growing pains. But it’s full of light, intuition, strength and love. I still have 6 months worth of IV cancer treatments and am finding patience and peace to deal with the outer inertia this its putting me in. On the inside I am using this time that is a physical challenge and is holding me back from doing all that I could be doing to build a new direction. I have seen this whole journey as a gift of transformation. This initial part of the journey is slower than I had wanted it to be…but then again…in my heart I know everything is as it should be.